Tag Archives: #selfdiscovery

Toxic relationships: How to leave

Hello.

Welcome to Talks With Tia!

Today’s blog post is about how to leave a toxic relationship.

This is a very important topic, which I really wanted to discuss.

I hope that you take something away from this blog or find it useful.

This is mainly based on toxic relationships regarding romantic relationships. However, you can apply this knowledge to other types.

This is the 4th blog post I’ve done in my series of Toxic Relationships.

I’ve covered what the definition of one is, how to cope when in one, the signs etc.

Please feel free to check those out before this<3

(Part 4)

How to leave a Toxic Relationship?

•Acknowledge & Validate Own Feelings

The first part in leaving a toxic relationship is recognising the toxicity.

It’s important not deny or downplay the unhealthy balance of the relationship.

This is because you deserve happiness, trust and respect.

You’ve got to validate your own emotions.

Let yourself feel the sadness, pain, fear or anger that you’re experiencing.

And then, start working on accepting that you deserve to be living a healthy, happy and safe life.

•Build an support system

It’s important once you’ve acknowledged your feelings and the toxicity in your relationship.

To start building, YOU again.

A good place to start, is from building a support system.

A support system is made from trusted individuals. Like; friends, family or support groups.

I’ve written a lot on creating a support system in my previous blog, with the title ‘Toxic Relationships: How to Cope When In One?’

Please read it to find out more information.

•Make a safety plan

The first thing to do when you’re creating a safety plan, is to assess your safety.

Are you in immediate danger? What are the possibilities of the reaction to the plan?

It’s important when you’re coming up with a plan that it protects your safety.

When planning your exit, you’ve got to decide when and how you’ll leave the relationship. Where you’ll be once it ends, obviously the safest option.

Looking into finances is another thing to consider in your plan.

If you share accounts or property, it’s important to discretely make arrangements for financial freedom and independence.

•Communicate your decision

When you decide that it is the right time and place to leave. You can decide whether or not you’d like to express it to your partner.

If it is safe to, I would recommend expressing it to them.

If it’s not, then you must protect yourself in giving yourself that opportunity to leave without any further harm.

It’s important when deciding whether or not you’d like to discuss your feelings, to be prepared for their reaction.

Assess how your partner usually responds to conflict or other situations.

Then, plan for your going handle those when they arise. If you choose to speak to them about it.

Whilst explaining to them your feelings, emphasise your need for a safe and healthy life.

•Cut off contact

After leaving the relationship, whether expressing your decision or not, it’s key to limit your communication with them.

The only way you will heal and move forward is by doing that.

I would recommend blocking them.

If it’s not possible to block them, due to children or other responsibilities. You’ve got to unfollow them all on social media.

You must avoid further contact.

Once you feel ready to, please seek support.

Continue to lean into support and seek professional help if you need it.

A final note is that you should be really proud of yourself for finding the strength. To take action on this advice, or to even educate yourself more about it.

Focusing on your wellbeing and doing self-care are steps you can take to give yourself the love and respect you deserve.

I’ve spoken more in previous blog posts about all the steps to take to focus on your wellbeing.

Talks With Tia xox

Thank you for reading today’s blog post.

I hope you enjoyed reading it.

If there’s anything which you found useful or interesting to know, I’m grateful to be able to educate more people about them.

Please like or subscribe to support the blog.

You can also comment, if you would like to.

My social media handles will also be below:-

*Tiktok/Ig: talkswithtia1111

*Youtube: Tia Truscott

*Web: talkswithtia.blog

Dealing with anxiety

Hi.

Welcome back or welcome to talks with tia.

Today’s topic is; dealing with anxiety.

Anxiety is a feeling of fear, unease or discomfort. It can range from mild to extremely intense.

I have struggled with anxiety, for around 7 years now.

And those 7 years have been extremely difficult, a feeling which only those who also struggle with anxiety can understand.

Each person’s individual anxieties are very complex and personal to them. As we all have different experiences, struggles and challenges in life.

But one thing, I have learnt is that talking and sharing our experiences with it helps others. As one thing that anxiety makes you feel, is very isolated.

A lot of the time, it can feel like your brain is working against you. As if, you’re the problem.

It’s your brain, so you can have control over it? But there are things we don’t have control over and that’s okay.

We are enough as we are. Not as what we dream to be. Or believe what other people think we should be.

But it’s not as simple as telling yourself you’re enough and believing in yourself.

Anxiety doesn’t just affect you mentally. It affects you physically, which can also range in intensity.

I personally have struggled with a range of different physical responses from anxiety.

One of those, is panic attacks. Panic attacks can take any shape or form, be about anything and again are personal to you.

A lot of the time when I have panic attacks, my brain goes into sensory overload. My thoughts start to race and spiral, if I don’t take control over them. My heart races, throat starts to close up and I completely lose sense of reality. I’ve learnt that this is called dissociation.

When I am having a panic attack, there are a few techniques I’ve found helpful. I will list these below.

•Breathing exercises (breathing in for 7, out for 7)

•Looking at my surroundings, is there any thing I can focus my mind on? For example, can I see any signs or words which I can count the letters of?

•Focusing on my breath and feeling the anxiety , rather than avoiding it

•Listening to music, podcasts or things that make me happy

•Going outside and focusing on my senses e.g. what can I smell, hear or see?

I’ve done a lot of reflection on what some of my triggers are for my anxiety. And those I continue to work on. However, sometimes it can come out of nowhere.

But that all leads back to the mental strength you have to build up for yourself. Because according to psychologists, the mind and the body are interlinked.

Another example of this is, stomach issues. I struggle a lot with the feeling of butterflies in your stomach and this sensation of being tense around my stomach and lower back.

I believe that I struggle with this because of my anxiety. As I have noticed that it is only there when I am stressed or anxious.

A way I manage my stress, is through doing things which I enjoy. A few things I enjoy are; Pilates, going for walks, being in nature and word searches.

Its great for your health and general wellbeing to find stuff that matters to you and gives you something to destress or motivate you.

Another thing that’s key for good wellbeing is you have to find the right support.

As humans, community is really important. The need for love and compassion and respect. But, in life, people don’t always have the best intentions and it’s important to recognise who is really there for the right reasons.

It’s essential in healing and discovering more about your anxiety to have people who understand you. But, it is okay if you feel like there is someone who isn’t.

There are helplines and people out there who are willing to help no matter what. I will dedicate a whole page to helplines and organisations for all kinds of help.

As you’re reading this, I hope you know that whatever you’re going through. You are not alone, and you deserve to be happy and proud of yourself.

I hope that you found this blog helpful and I hope that anything I’ve said makes one person feel less alone.

If there are any questions, or things you’d like me discuss further, please leave a comment or send me a DM.

Talks with Tia xoxo

Website: talkswithtia.blog

TikTok/Instagram: talkswithtia1111

Finding yourself

Hi,

Welcome to talks with tia!

Today’s topic is finding yourself. I feel as though this is something which not many people speak about, or something that some people never conceptualise.

I do think that this has a lot to do with the fact that it takes a lot of time and effort.

I would like to start with what my personal experience of finding myself was like and how I got there.

I remember always being a shy yet confident child. I was always taught to stand up for myself, but was always put down if I did which made me lose that confidence.

I’ve struggled a lot in the past with bullying, mental health issues, abuse and other traumatic events. These all built up over my teenage years, to where I became what society wanted me to be.

I was constantly in toxic relationships and friendships because of the lack of stability in my life. And this is something I’ve only recently realised about myself.

After my last serious breakup and losing all relationships with my friends and family, I realised I wasn’t who I wanted to be for me anymore.

In my eyes, it had seemed like all these years I had been living for other people. But when it came down to it, I was the one choosing to follow someone else’s dream.

The first step that I took to find myself, was to stop living for other people. I tried to stop caring what other people thought, how they treated me and what they could think of me.

Once taking this first step, it made me go onto the second step. This was going back to my childhood.

I spent a lot of time reflecting on who I was, before all of the events of my teenaged years. The type of things I would do to keep me occupied, the mindset I had.

I was quite a strong minded kid. I believed I was capable of all my dreams and would one day make them happen.

This probably came from what I used to do to occupy myself, reading stories, watching tv and films, playing with Barbies and on the computer. I constantly lived in my own dream world.

So, that’s what I started to integrate into my life. Doing all the things I did as a kid. Even if it felt stupid or cringe, I did it so I could find what I loved again.

I fell back in love with reading, doing word searches and doing creative things. I watched all the films and listened to music I’ve not heard since childhood.

I even embraced going back on long walks and appreciating my surroundings. I loved looking at the flowers and soon realised that rivers are something that calm me down too. Something about the sound of the water is very soothing.

I could even take my dog with me on the walks. Those walks really bonded us together and I knew he would always be there for me.

Exercising was also another huge factor in feeling more myself. It was important to find one that I enjoyed as I usually wasn’t very interested in it. That’s when I started regularly doing pilates at home in my room.

I would really recommend Pilates to anyone. They are just so simple yet effective.

After doing all of these things for myself, I started to begin to see who I was and wanted to be coming in. I could finally figure out who Tia was or who I wanted to be.

I think a lot of other factors play a big part in my continuing journey to self discovery.

One of those was making sure I was surrounding myself with the right people. I think that a lot of people don’t always have the best intentions. They want to see you hurt and let down, yet pretend that they cherish the floor you walk on.

Finding my group, of my people. Was honestly the best thing that happened to me. I think all of these people know exactly who they are, so I won’t name any names.

These people gave me the confidence to feel the things I wanted to feel, work on the things I’ve been hiding from and be better for not only them but myself.

Another factor was trying to re-wire my brain. I tend to have quite a negative mindset naturally, which I think is due to my mental illnesses. And I wanted to change that.

Because it’s a sad world, when all you’re consumed with is how bad everything is and how much being an adult and life can be.

There is so much beauty in this world, and I think it’s part of your journey to figure out what that is. Whether like me, it’s hanging out with your animals, friends or going on walks by the river.

Something I will say is, the journey is not easy. And there are always good and bad days. But every day is a step closer to figuring it out.

I hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts and experience of finding yourself.

If there any questions you would like to ask me, or any topics you’d like me to cover.

Please feel free to leave a comment below, or on the social media accounts.

TikTok/Instagram: talkswithtia1111

Lots of love,

Talks With Tia xoxo