Tag Archives: #selflove

Dealing with negative thoughts

Hello<3

Welcome to, or back to Talks With Tia!

Today’s blog post, I will be sharing about my experience with negative thoughts. And how I deal with those thoughts.

I would just like to start by mentioning, that today’s blog post is about suicidal thoughts, anxiety and depression.

If those topics are something which you are currently struggling with, and you wish to avoid, please feel free to miss out this one.

Recently, I have had a lot going on in my life. A lot of things which I have shared in my blog posts or YouTube videos, but there are a lot of things which I have purposefully left unsaid.

Life can be so chaotic.

It’s this constant rollercoaster, of things calming down and then suddenly erupting and burning down.

That’s how it feels to me anyway.

I feel like I have really tried the past couple years, to regain peace in the chaos.

I’ve done the work behind closed doors and I’ve come so far, as a person and as a woman.

However, life likes to humble us when we least expect it.

It’s continually testing my patience and strength.

Although, I’ve worked so hard to get to the place that I have. There are a lot of days, where I still struggle with suicidal thoughts and thoughts of loneliness and self hatred.

I think that is something, which not a lot of people would still know about me, or recognise in me.

But, I wanted to share this to help others.

A lot of the time, when I am having suicidal thoughts, it’s when I have multiple things going wrong at the same time.

It becomes overwhelming to the point, where I just want to make it stop.

In the moment, my mind is racing, I’m completely dissociated from my thoughts and body.

I start to take myself to these dark places, of which I used to live in.

What I mean by this is, when I really was at my lowest and weakest point, I lived in the darkest part of my mind all day, everyday.

After that point, I started working on what made life worth it for me, what made me feel safe, calm or relaxed.

The steps I had taken, are tools that I use now to deal with these episodes I suffer with.

I just wanted to note, that although the advice I’m about to give of how I deal with my mental struggles, each person is different.

It is extremely difficult to pick yourself up, when you’re at your lowest point, when you feel like there’s no point or you haven’t got the energy to try anymore.

But, each day is progress and eventually, we will all be able to get to a place where we can find peace in our chaos.

I’m going to start off with, the most important part of your wellbeing, taking care of yourself.

This takes many forms and shapes for all of us.

I like to do things for myself such as; getting off my phone/social media, going on walks and eating healthy/my favourite foods.

These are all forms of self love for me, as they help me ground myself and give me energy.

Another thing, I’ve recently started doing is, going out and enjoying the sun.

As somebody who has really struggled with anxiety and body dysmorphia, I’ve tried to avoid going out in the sun for many years.

It has been a massive trigger for me for many years, wearing summer clothes or wearing them out in public.

I’ve been bullied a lot in my life, for my body type or how my body looks.

The bullying and societal pressures, have caused me a lot of years of stress, trauma and mental strain in terms of how my body looks.

This is something I still struggle with, as it’s something that has been engrained into my brain since childhood.

We are taught, what the perfect type of body is, what’s attractive and ugly. All a bunch of nonsense created by equally just as insecure people.

That’s why, I’m sharing my experiences and am aiming to make a big change in the future of mental health.

I think it’s important, to deeply understand and love yourself, one day in your life.

I think we owe it to ourselves, to find that peace of mind.

I’ve managed to find some of that peace, in my chaotic life.

I’m continually trying to remind myself of all the positive things in my life.

In the dark moments, I try to regain control of my thoughts by being grateful yet understanding of all the progress I’ve made.

I take those moments to reflect myself, of all the times I thought everything was over, where I didn’t think I would make it, or I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Time obviously is a healer, but in those moments, it’s hard to really grasp that.

It feels like for me, that the feeling will never go away. That things are always going to be “broken” or “going wrong”.

That’s why, I have to remember to be grateful that, I made it through.

I got myself, along with the help of others, through those tough times.

So, my strength is unbreakable.

I’ve come back and forth, from the depths of hell in my mind, probably at least 10 times since I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression.

That is something I have to constantly remind myself of, in my episodes or in daily life.

If I could get through, probably the worst things I’ve ever had to face, I can be strong enough to face this and the rest life throws at me.

Talks With Tia Xoxo

Thank you for reading today’s blog post.

I hope that you found this helpful, and someone can relate to these feelings/experiences.

I would love to hear more from my readers, so please feel free to either leave a comment or message me with your thoughts and questions.

BLOG WEBSITE: talkswithtia.blog

TIKTOK/IG: talkswithtia1111

YOUTUBE: Tia Truscott

Toxic Relationships: How to cope when in one?

Hi.

Welcome to Talks With Tia<3

Today’s blog post is about how to cope when in a toxic relationship.

This blog post, is one of the many posts I’ve done on toxic relationships. I go into detail about the meaning, the signs and more…

Please check those out before this blog post, as this is the 3rd part of the series.

(Part 3)

*I will be writing this in two parts as it’s such a big topic*

How to cope when in a toxic relationship?

•Acknowledge & Accept toxicity

The first thing, when you’re in a toxic relationship, is to acknowledge and accept you are in one.

You have to recognise the unhealthy patterns/behaviours in the relationship.

This leads back to part 2, on the signs of toxic relationships.

Recognising the unhealthy patterns/behaviours, are essential as they can support you through this relationship.

If you understand what signs to look out for, you can protect yourself easier. It can also help you figure out what help to reach out for.

Furthermore, you have to accept the toxicity is damaging to you.

You have to accept it’s damaging, in order to take care of yourself. It is a step closer to prioritising your mental well-being.

You deserve to be an a healthy, happy and loving relationship. No matter what type of relationship it is.

It’s important to remember and accept that you deserve love and respect.

•Set Boundaries

Another coping mechanism, is setting boundaries.

Setting boundaries is important in a relationship, as it leads to healthier communication and gives you space to focus on you.

It’s important to prioritise your desires and needs. As this will improve your mental wellbeing and give you motivation to work towards your goals.

You have to establish clear boundaries.

This mostly has to be verbal, as you want the other person to really understand what’s not okay for you and what is.

However, it does have to be supported by repeatedly standing up to those boundaries.

You have to state them assertively and consistently.

If you aren’t clear, or stand strong on your boundaries, the other person may take advantage of this.

An example of setting a boundary, is learning to say “no”.

But, they can be a lot more complex than that and it’s important to figure out what your boundaries are.

•Seek Support

Seeking support is another coping strategy.

Help can be given in many different ways, which I will discuss in this paragraph.

One way, you can seek help is reaching out to a trusted individual.

This can be a friend, family member, teacher or another person you trust.

Another way you can seek help is, speaking to a professional like a doctor or therapist.

There are lots of professionals, who specialise in all different kinds of struggles and mental illnesses. They also can offer support for traumatic events, such as; debt, abuse or neglect.

Another way of getting support, is through support groups.

There are many support groups for all kinds of situations.

Online there are a lot of options for different support groups. It can be a great way to find a community or people who understand what you’re going through.

But, you can find support in person. This is definitely something to remember if you’re in a dangerous situation and you don’t have access to a phone or the internet.

I will create a page dedicated to support you can receive in person, for a range of topics in different parts of the world.

Ive also created a page of different organisations and charities, which you can check out on my page. Under the title: “National Women’s Day”.

(Most of them are UK Based)

•Limit Contact

Another way to cope in a toxic relationship is by limiting contact.

Limiting contact, creates a boundary that shows the other person that their behaviour isn’t acceptable.

You should consider creating a physical, or emotional distance when you realise it’s toxic.

This is to protect yourself.

To minimise exposure to their behaviours, limit the time you spend with them.

If it’s necessary, cut off contact.

Examples of when it’s necessary is if you are in danger, feeling like you have lost yourself, feeling like there is going to be no change or anything you feel makes it necessary.

•Self Care

In my opinion, this is one of the most important coping mechanisms.

Self-care is essential in prioritising YOU.

You put yourself first by focusing on your physical, emotional and mental well-being.

Physical strategies can take form of, working out regularly, eating a healthier and balanced diet.

As, I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts your mind and body are linked. I’ve heard that if you have a happy gut, you will feel better.

Emotional strategies can take form in, doing the things that you enjoy or practicing meditation or mindfulness. Or by speaking to someone about it.

Mental strategies can take form of, speaking kindly to yourself and giving yourself space to feel and support yourself in what ways you think are helpful.

One way that I like to support myself, is by journalling.

Journalling helps me concentrate on what things are upsetting or bothering me. I can get them all out on the page and break them down in my head.

I tend to write things I like about myself, my manifestations and things I’m grateful for at the end of my journals.

This helps me get out what I’m struggling with, but gives me the boost of focusing on what is positive in my life.

Practicing self-love is so important.

The fact, that you are reading this or wanting to love yourself is practicing self-love. This is because, if you want better or want to love yourself more, that’s self- love right there.

Journalling in the way I do, is a way of practicing that. As, it gives me an opportunity to give myself some ‘me’ time, to slow down and process my feelings.

Once you begin to practice self-love, you start to begin to understand yourself. You can start to shape your future.

Please move on, to part 4 for the rest of this blog.

Talks With Tia Xox

Web: talkswithtia.blog

TikTok/Ig: talkswithtia1111

Toxic Relationships: What are the signs?

Welcome to, or back to Talks with Tia.

Today’s blog is on the signs of a toxic relationship.

It’s the second blog I’m writing about toxic relationships, as I plan to cover different topics within that week by week.

Please check out Part 1 for the introduction, if you haven’t already<3

(Part 2)

What are the signs?

Criticism

Criticism is a sign of a toxic relationship, as it lowers your self esteem and worth.

It creates a sense of insecurity, fear and negativity in the relationship, which obviously makes it toxic or unhealthy.

A couple forms that criticism can take are; constant critiques, putting you down or belittling.

Jealousy

Jealousy is a sign of a toxic relationship. This is because jealousy, leads to negative communication and behaviour in the relationship.

The constant questioning of the other person’s loyalty, leads to a breakdown of communication and trust.

Communication and trust are important for a healthy relationship, as both sides should feel safe talking to each other.

Jealousy comes from a fear of abandonment or rejection. This leads to controlling or emotionally manipulative behaviour.

It is a feeling of possession, yet protection. They feel like they need you, like they own you.

This behaviour is toxic as it degrades your emotional and mental wellbeing. You begin to lose control of yourself and reality.

It can also lead to abusive behaviour.

Abusers can use jealousy as an excuse for their actions. In their mind, they can justify how they’ve acted as you did something wrong.

Passive Aggressive Behaviour

Passive aggressive behaviour is a repeated pattern of indirectly expressing negative emotions towards you, rather than communicating about them.

This is a sign of a toxic relationship, as it causes a negative reaction to your actions/behaviours, causing you to feel insecure.

It reflects your partners communication style, avoidant. This creates an unsafe space to talk openly.

Eventually, it becomes a cycle of confusion and conflict. As you want to address the situation, your partner either avoids or argues. This probably leads to the partner using manipulation to lead back to confusion.

Blaming & Shaming

Blaming and shaming is when your partner blames you or others for their wrongdoing or making you feel guilty about yours or someone’s actions towards you.

This is their way of not being able to take accountability for their actions/ emotions. It also a form of manipulation.

It is used to confuse you, your ideologies and beliefs. It becomes hard to distinguish between what you believe is reality.

Abusive Behaviour

Abusive behaviour is behaviour that affects a persons psychological, physical, emotional, economic or sexual wellbeing.

Abusive behaviour in itself, is a huge topic which I would like to speak more about in detail.

It can take forms of shoving, pushing, yelling etc.

If you, or anyone close to you are being abused. Please speak to someone that you trust, and get help.

There are so many websites, organisations and groups of individuals who can help you escape it and protect you.

Controlling Behaviour

Controlling behaviour is repeated actions or tendencies in order to gain control over you and the relationship.

The need for control comes from insecurity, anxieties, mental health issues/ instability or past relationships and many other reasons.

It comes in forms of isolation, manipulation and intimidation tactics.

Financial control is a form of controlling behaviour. It prevents you from having your own freedom and choice of what you spend it on.

Physical controlling behaviour is another form. This is any physical contact, or manipulation tactics used to prevent you from doing something.

Physical controlling behaviour, or physical abuse is something I would like to explore more into in another blog post. As it’s a massive topic, which many people have had to go through.

Emotionally controlling behaviour, is when a person uses non-physical strategies to control you.

They try to make you feel isolated, less than yourself and unable to tell your emotions from their truth.

Examples of emotional abuse are; threats, insults, humiliation, constant monitoring and dismissiveness.

These sorts of experiences can lead to deep trauma. Feelings of hopelessness, fear, being unloved, can really mess with your sense of self -worth.

But there is help available, and my messages are always open for people that need someone to talk to.

We all deserve a safe space to talk.

Isolation

Isolation is a common factor of toxic relationships.

Toxic partners use isolation techniques to gain more control over you.

They want you to feel as if they are the only person you need. This obviously leads back to the possessiveness, as they feel like you are their property.

They also want you to not have the outside noise. They don’t want people around you to tell you that their actions are wrong, or perhaps to get you to see the bigger picture.

Being in a toxic relationship itself can be very isolating, just for the sake of being in one.

The people around you begin to grow tired of seeing you hurting, seeing the cycle, seeing how they treat you.

Sometimes there is no helping someone, until they realise it themselves that it’s toxic. But, it is still important to do what you can to put them in the right direction but set those boundaries of time for yourself.

But, when the people around you, start dropping off like flies. It can feel very lonely, and that’s when you start to form an attachment to the toxic partner.

As although that person doesn’t treat you nicely, they have still stuck around. Even though, it’s their behaviours and actions who have created this reality for you.

My experiences with toxic relationships

Like I mentioned in the previous blog, I’ve experienced a lot of toxic relationships. Partners, friends, co-workers, bosses, family etc.

A lot of my relationships have been toxic, or ended in a toxic way.

I feel as though it’s important to look at the people around you, and see them for who they really are and their values.

Most of my boyfriends have been toxic.

My first boyfriend, was from school. He was my first heartbreak and it was a traumatic one.

When we first met, everything was very sweet between us. We would just be on call for hours, just constantly all over each other, just absolutely smitten.

Eventually, things started to go wrong between us and we would start to argue daily. These arguments would last for days sometimes.

It started with him just shouting at me, but then eventually progressed to worse. He would throw stuff across the room, throw the tv remote towards me or refuse to talk to me.

After some time of heated arguments, I started noticing that he was hanging out with different types of people.

Types of people, he shouldn’t be mixing with. Types of people, I didn’t want to be mixing with.

Then, there would be girls too. So many girls. Messages, hanging out with them. And when I would confront him, he would make me feel stupid for even bringing it up with him even though he knew it was wrong.

A lot of those girls were my friends too, or past friends of mine. Probably just another way of feeling like he had the power.

It got to a point, where things got so bad for me in my personal life and our relationship where he just fell out love with me.

He broke up with me, did some unspeakable things with different girls when we broke up.

Then, once he had a new girlfriend, let me into his house to collect my things. We got talking, and he told me about how much he missed me, how sorry he was.

He made a move on me, and at the time I wasn’t aware he had a girlfriend. But I still didn’t want to kiss him.

After that day, hell broke loose in school, with me, him, his girlfriend and everyone else involved. He eventually got what he deserved for doing it. But, came straight back to me.

And at that point, I thought that’s what love was and I wasn’t prepared to give that up, so I tried again. But that time, I was a different version of myself.

A version of myself, which was more toxic and similar to him. I had started smoking and just completely changed as a person.

I tried to make it work again, but obviously a cheetah never changes its spots. The same scenarios of girls, friends of mine, the arguments etc.

It got to one time, where I got a call from his best friend to break up with me because he had kissed another girl.

I had heard that he had fingered another one of my old friends in the same room as my best friend at the time.

When I confronted him about it, he harmed himself and showed me that he did it.

After all of the stuff that we went through together, eventually it fizzed out into something much worse.

It began with one of our arguments lead to him, forcing me to watch an autopsy. And I have a severe fear of blood, surgery or anything gory.

After that, we fought and broke up and run the cycle until he found a new girlfriend.

Then, him and his friends started bullying me at school and online until I built up the courage to retaliate.

I finally had enough of how they controlled and dictated my school life and life in general. I couldn’t escape their nastiness.

I would come into school, miss lessons, cry for hours, eat in the bathroom alone. I would go home, harm myself, be alone in my room and cry myself to sleep.

Not only did I have to deal with, their bullying, but the fact I had lost someone so special to me and seeing them love someone else.

They wanted me to hate my life, and for a while I did. Until I grew stronger, probably with the help of my friends and people around me.

I’ve dealt with this battle a lot in future relationships. This constant cycle, the way they make you feel like you as a person are insignificant.

I feel as though, we as women, or men need to share our experiences with other people. I think talking is the best way to get people to understand it, know what to do when they’re in one and to help those in them, feel a lot less alone.

The more education, we teach ourselves to not tolerate toxic behaviours and relationships, hopefully the less it will happen.

I obviously understand that these situations and things will always happen, as violence and abuse continue to happen everyday.

That’s why with the right community, support and education we can help people get through these difficult times.

Talks With Tia Xox

I hope you found this blog post helpful or informative.

My goal with these blogs is to spread as much awareness, love and support to people that need it.

If you have any questions, comments or suggestions about this blog or anything I’ve spoken about. Please leave a comment, or send me a dm on my social media handles.

Web; talkswithtia.blog

TikTok/Ig; talkswithtia1111

YouTube; TiaTruscott

Dealing with anxiety

Hi.

Welcome back or welcome to talks with tia.

Today’s topic is; dealing with anxiety.

Anxiety is a feeling of fear, unease or discomfort. It can range from mild to extremely intense.

I have struggled with anxiety, for around 7 years now.

And those 7 years have been extremely difficult, a feeling which only those who also struggle with anxiety can understand.

Each person’s individual anxieties are very complex and personal to them. As we all have different experiences, struggles and challenges in life.

But one thing, I have learnt is that talking and sharing our experiences with it helps others. As one thing that anxiety makes you feel, is very isolated.

A lot of the time, it can feel like your brain is working against you. As if, you’re the problem.

It’s your brain, so you can have control over it? But there are things we don’t have control over and that’s okay.

We are enough as we are. Not as what we dream to be. Or believe what other people think we should be.

But it’s not as simple as telling yourself you’re enough and believing in yourself.

Anxiety doesn’t just affect you mentally. It affects you physically, which can also range in intensity.

I personally have struggled with a range of different physical responses from anxiety.

One of those, is panic attacks. Panic attacks can take any shape or form, be about anything and again are personal to you.

A lot of the time when I have panic attacks, my brain goes into sensory overload. My thoughts start to race and spiral, if I don’t take control over them. My heart races, throat starts to close up and I completely lose sense of reality. I’ve learnt that this is called dissociation.

When I am having a panic attack, there are a few techniques I’ve found helpful. I will list these below.

•Breathing exercises (breathing in for 7, out for 7)

•Looking at my surroundings, is there any thing I can focus my mind on? For example, can I see any signs or words which I can count the letters of?

•Focusing on my breath and feeling the anxiety , rather than avoiding it

•Listening to music, podcasts or things that make me happy

•Going outside and focusing on my senses e.g. what can I smell, hear or see?

I’ve done a lot of reflection on what some of my triggers are for my anxiety. And those I continue to work on. However, sometimes it can come out of nowhere.

But that all leads back to the mental strength you have to build up for yourself. Because according to psychologists, the mind and the body are interlinked.

Another example of this is, stomach issues. I struggle a lot with the feeling of butterflies in your stomach and this sensation of being tense around my stomach and lower back.

I believe that I struggle with this because of my anxiety. As I have noticed that it is only there when I am stressed or anxious.

A way I manage my stress, is through doing things which I enjoy. A few things I enjoy are; Pilates, going for walks, being in nature and word searches.

Its great for your health and general wellbeing to find stuff that matters to you and gives you something to destress or motivate you.

Another thing that’s key for good wellbeing is you have to find the right support.

As humans, community is really important. The need for love and compassion and respect. But, in life, people don’t always have the best intentions and it’s important to recognise who is really there for the right reasons.

It’s essential in healing and discovering more about your anxiety to have people who understand you. But, it is okay if you feel like there is someone who isn’t.

There are helplines and people out there who are willing to help no matter what. I will dedicate a whole page to helplines and organisations for all kinds of help.

As you’re reading this, I hope you know that whatever you’re going through. You are not alone, and you deserve to be happy and proud of yourself.

I hope that you found this blog helpful and I hope that anything I’ve said makes one person feel less alone.

If there are any questions, or things you’d like me discuss further, please leave a comment or send me a DM.

Talks with Tia xoxo

Website: talkswithtia.blog

TikTok/Instagram: talkswithtia1111

Finding yourself

Hi,

Welcome to talks with tia!

Today’s topic is finding yourself. I feel as though this is something which not many people speak about, or something that some people never conceptualise.

I do think that this has a lot to do with the fact that it takes a lot of time and effort.

I would like to start with what my personal experience of finding myself was like and how I got there.

I remember always being a shy yet confident child. I was always taught to stand up for myself, but was always put down if I did which made me lose that confidence.

I’ve struggled a lot in the past with bullying, mental health issues, abuse and other traumatic events. These all built up over my teenage years, to where I became what society wanted me to be.

I was constantly in toxic relationships and friendships because of the lack of stability in my life. And this is something I’ve only recently realised about myself.

After my last serious breakup and losing all relationships with my friends and family, I realised I wasn’t who I wanted to be for me anymore.

In my eyes, it had seemed like all these years I had been living for other people. But when it came down to it, I was the one choosing to follow someone else’s dream.

The first step that I took to find myself, was to stop living for other people. I tried to stop caring what other people thought, how they treated me and what they could think of me.

Once taking this first step, it made me go onto the second step. This was going back to my childhood.

I spent a lot of time reflecting on who I was, before all of the events of my teenaged years. The type of things I would do to keep me occupied, the mindset I had.

I was quite a strong minded kid. I believed I was capable of all my dreams and would one day make them happen.

This probably came from what I used to do to occupy myself, reading stories, watching tv and films, playing with Barbies and on the computer. I constantly lived in my own dream world.

So, that’s what I started to integrate into my life. Doing all the things I did as a kid. Even if it felt stupid or cringe, I did it so I could find what I loved again.

I fell back in love with reading, doing word searches and doing creative things. I watched all the films and listened to music I’ve not heard since childhood.

I even embraced going back on long walks and appreciating my surroundings. I loved looking at the flowers and soon realised that rivers are something that calm me down too. Something about the sound of the water is very soothing.

I could even take my dog with me on the walks. Those walks really bonded us together and I knew he would always be there for me.

Exercising was also another huge factor in feeling more myself. It was important to find one that I enjoyed as I usually wasn’t very interested in it. That’s when I started regularly doing pilates at home in my room.

I would really recommend Pilates to anyone. They are just so simple yet effective.

After doing all of these things for myself, I started to begin to see who I was and wanted to be coming in. I could finally figure out who Tia was or who I wanted to be.

I think a lot of other factors play a big part in my continuing journey to self discovery.

One of those was making sure I was surrounding myself with the right people. I think that a lot of people don’t always have the best intentions. They want to see you hurt and let down, yet pretend that they cherish the floor you walk on.

Finding my group, of my people. Was honestly the best thing that happened to me. I think all of these people know exactly who they are, so I won’t name any names.

These people gave me the confidence to feel the things I wanted to feel, work on the things I’ve been hiding from and be better for not only them but myself.

Another factor was trying to re-wire my brain. I tend to have quite a negative mindset naturally, which I think is due to my mental illnesses. And I wanted to change that.

Because it’s a sad world, when all you’re consumed with is how bad everything is and how much being an adult and life can be.

There is so much beauty in this world, and I think it’s part of your journey to figure out what that is. Whether like me, it’s hanging out with your animals, friends or going on walks by the river.

Something I will say is, the journey is not easy. And there are always good and bad days. But every day is a step closer to figuring it out.

I hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts and experience of finding yourself.

If there any questions you would like to ask me, or any topics you’d like me to cover.

Please feel free to leave a comment below, or on the social media accounts.

TikTok/Instagram: talkswithtia1111

Lots of love,

Talks With Tia xoxo